My sister invited me to her annual kids Christmas party this weekend. Normally I would be over joyed! This year, however, my first thought was, “It’s going to be a long day”. Because I’m so strapped for cash, (Christmas being around the corner and all) I knew instantly I would be facing the gosh awful thing, you may know as public transportation. MTA is not always so welcoming of my kind; crazy mommy with a vivacious 8 year old daughter and a 6 month old baby. I carry a lot of shit all the time and I take up an entire row of seats. This would not be pretty.

Saturday morning, I braced myself for what was to come. I packed my diaper bag to the brim. It was filled with bottles, formula, blankets, toys, diapers, emergency kit and a whole bunch of other crap I rarely use. By the time I made breakfast for me and Zoe, fed Mason, got both kids and me ready, I was exhausted. With sweat on my brow, I thought to myself “I should really be 50 pounds lighter”. As I changed Mason’s diaper, images of a thinner self on some tropical island, with not a single little person in sight, played through my mind. Zoe quickly brought me back to reality. “I think I forgot my dance bag at Daddy’s house”. Shit. I called my ex-husbands girlfriend, which is always a pleasure, to coordinate the most painless yet effective plan possible. She agreed to drop off Zoe’s dance bag at the school, since it’s just around the corner from her house. Sweet. The morning started out a little bumpy, but things seemed to be working out. Three rounds of stairs later, (I’m on the third floor), and we were finally out the door. It was 11:15.

Everything after that was a blur. I hung around Zoe’s dance school for 2 hours while having to change, feed and play with my little Mason. The day had just begun and I felt like I was up for days! When Zoe’s class finally let out, we started the troop to my sister’s house. We both live in Queens but I still have to take 2 busses to get to her. When we got to the bus stop I hurried to fold up the stroller, carry the diaper bag and scoop up my very heavy baby. Mason is ginormous! He weighs over 25 pounds and the car seat has to be at least 11 pounds. I have one of those strollers where the car seat straps into a base. Warning, this stroller is not practical for NYC parents. If you’re primary means of transportation are trains and busses, save yourself a headache (that’s an understatement) and get a nice light weight stroller with all the bells and whistles; but that’s another blog and another day. Back to my traveling nightmare. When I finally got on the bus there were no seats of course. I could feel the heat piercing the back of my neck. This one lady threw her hands in the air as I was trying to rush my way in. Her face read “I just had to get on this bus”. “Right back at ya sister”. It took whole 2 stops until someone actually got up so I could put the baby down. Zoe and I stood the whole way. When we got to our stop my transfer bus was arriving. I somehow worked my mommy magic and flagged it down right before it pulled out. Mason was starting to get fussy, since it was past his meal time, but I was hopeful. If all went well, we would be on the bus no longer than 10 minutes. I would just have to endure his crying for a little while longer, and then I could feed my little man. You would not believe what happened next. The bus came to a complete halt and….went out of service. Really? I’ve lived in New York my entire life, I’m 30 years old and I have NEVER experienced an out service bus. I’ve been on a rerouted bus, but for it to mysteriously brake in between stops and just discontinue service is unheard of. I seriously wanted to cry. Right before I dropped to my knees and damned the world, I had the mommy moment. The moment where you muster up everything that you have left and you start making moves. I looked around and spotted a safe haven….”Popeye’s!” I could feed Mason and Zoe before they both had a meltdown. It was pretty crowded in there; almost too much to handle. I took the seat closest to the line so I could watch Zoe as she ordered and paid for her meal. (Don’t judge me!) Mason was going ballistic, right up until I put the bottle in his mouth. At that very moment Zoe got back with her food and everyone seemed happy. Holy shit, what a day! The kids both finished eating, when I noticed a funky smell. Mason had pooped. Shit. Here’s where I really almost lose it. When I got to the bathroom I could not find a changing table. “Surely, there would be one in the bathroom next door” I thought. So I checked the next bathroom. OMG, for the love of God, why can’t I ever find a changing table! Don’t you want to accommodate your customers with babies! With just a quick glance I see you have a lot of families that go to your establishment…. What the heck!” Right before my head exploded, I looked down only to find a nice little brown spot on the side of Mason’s pants. Oh yes, he pooped straight through his diaper. I either had to laugh or cry. Since crying would just set me back at this point, I had to laugh at the misfortunate sequence of events. I’m not sure if laughing meant I was crazy or sane. Moving on. I changed my fatty in the car seat with amazing mommy skill. When I was done Zoe asked if we would be waiting for the next bus. “No way, we’re walking!” I said. We walked about 7 very looooong blocks. On the way we stopped at Starbucks for a coffee and a kid’s hot chocolate. We both needed the boost. We finally arrived at my sisters at 4:45 pm. (Party started at 3:30) “Why didn’t you just take a cab?” She asked. Now that I think about it, I wasted more on the Popeye’s and Starbucks than I would have if we cabbed it. “Well, I’m definitely taking a cab home. Can I borrow 20 bucks ?” Lesson of the day, when in doubt, just cab it or risk losing your mind!

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